Day 9

Much like my fear of heights, my fear of needles/blood has been a crippling fear my whole life. 


When I was a little girl and shots/vaccinations were part of my yearly check-ups, it was a given that once I walked out of the doctors office and into the waiting room, I would faint. Sometimes I didn't even make it that far. If they had to do a finger prick the nurses knew to pull the ammonia stick right there. Once, I thought I was okay and walked to the sink in the room to wash my hands and passed out right there. My chin bears the scar.


In high school, while sitting in Algebra, I cut my finger when my binder snapped shut on it. Yep, I passed out, right there in the middle of class. I guess when I hit the floor my teacher thought I had just fallen out of my chair and announced to the class, "That's what gravity will do for you!" He must have felt bad about it later because he apologized and I had no clue what he was talking about until he confessed!


Even visiting hospitals was difficult for me. Seeing someone with IV's, etc... triggered the same response in me. I would be flat on the floor awoken by the scent of ammonia. 


This fear, phobia, reaction is hereditary. My mom did the same thing to a certain extent, as well as one of my brothers. I come by it honestly. 


When I started having children something in me changed and I was able to get through the blood tests, etc... without much drama. Same thing happened for my brother. When his son was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes 17 years ago he had to conquer the fear as well in order to take care of his child. 


Although I was able to move past the constant fainting and suck it up for most things, there was one thing that I could never bring myself to do. Donate blood. I guess as far as this fear goes, that would be the "Mount Everest" for me. 


Last week while at the doctors with Toby we saw an advertisement for a Blood Drive on the 30th of this month. I made a mental note. 


Monday night when I started thinking about my "first" for the next day, the 30th, I decided I would do it. 


People do it every day. Some people do it more than once a month. It was a life affirming thing to do. It saves lives. I could do it too!


Honestly, yesterday, I talked myself out of it more than once on my way to the Blood Drive. I even had to pull over once when I started to feel a little light headed because I was giving it to much thought. But, I made it there. 


Imagine my utter disappointment when I arrived and they were not there. Something had happened and the flyer we saw was printed with the wrong day. 


What to do... what to do. I knew what to do, but inside I was just a little relieved that I didn't have to go through with it. 


When I pulled back onto the main road and began driving back in the direction of home, I was compelled to turn left just two lights up from where I had been. You see, BloodNet, this areas division of the Florida Blood Service, has a brick and mortar location just a short drive from my house and within view from the road. 

http://www.bloodnetusa.com/

(I encourage you to give!)

I pulled into the parking lot and I called 411 for BloodNet's number. I know, I was in the lot, but I needed to call first. Maybe I wasn't allowed to just walk in. Maybe they didn't do donations at this location. Maybe, maybe, maybe... The very friendly receptionist assured me they did and to "just come on in". Did she know I was sitting in the parking lot?


Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it though anything in the One who makes me who I am. (Philippians 4:13/msg) I reminded myself of this. That even just donating blood was something that He enables me to do.


I went in.


The people were so friendly and walked me through every step. The girl who I spent the most time with asked me why I was deciding to give now. I shared with Trina my quest this year to form the habit of living life in the fullest possible way.


At that moment it became about more than just conquering a fear, because I am sure that this year I will have to squash a few in order to experience 365 "firsts", it became about truly sharing the experience with those that I am meeting along the way and encouraging them to do the same.

Trina proceeded to share with the other girls that came in and out of the "donation" room why I was choosing NOW to give blood. Each time she would start to say, "This is her first time, she'd donating now because... "She would place her hand on my arm and ask, "Can I tell {her} about it too?" So sweet!


Well, I did it! I survived. It wasn't nearly as horrific as I had made it in my thoughts ALL these years! In fact, the worst part was the finger prick before hand!


When Trina was wrapping my arm up after I was done, she said, "You know you saved three lives today, right?!" That's a pretty cool thought. But, I thought it was even cooler that I got to share my journey with someone in the process!


My dear children, let's not just talk about love; let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality. It's also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. 1 John 3:18-20/msg


I'm going to refer to this as an ammonia free life from now on!